I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times

This chapter examines how personal experiences shape beliefs and perspectives, arguing that understanding others’ lived experiences is crucial for meaningful dialogue across ideological divides. Guzmán introduces this concept by recounting her childhood as the only Latina student at a Catholic elementary school in New Hampshire. A classmate once asked if Mexico had paved roads, revealing how limited exposure to other cultures can create misconceptions. Rather than taking offense, Guzmán appreciated the honest question, as it demonstrated how people’s knowledge is constrained by their experiences.

The author discusses her involvement with Braver Angels, an organization she mentions throughout the book that is dedicated to reducing political polarization. During a 2020 debate about COVID-19 restrictions, she observed how the organization structured conversations to encourage participants to share personal experiences rather than just abstract arguments. The debate format required participants to address questions to the moderator rather than directly to speakers, creating emotional distance that facilitated more open dialogue.

Through conversations with April Lawson, director of Braver Angels debates, Guzmán explores how personal narratives carry elements that logical arguments cannot capture. Experiences contain inherent mystery and complexity that help others understand perspectives in ways that pure reasoning cannot achieve. The author illustrates this concept through her mother’s evolution on same-sex marriage after witnessing two men sharing an affectionate moment in Boston.