Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person

In this section, Rhimes delves into personal areas of her life as she uncovers what prevents her from saying “yes” more often. Each chapter is arranged thematically to focus upon a specific area of Rhimes’s life or a particular value that she holds as important. This structural choice reflects Rhimes’s broader belief that change is not a single event but a process requiring intentional reflection in multiple areas of one’s life.

The Dartmouth commencement address is a significant moment in Rhimes’s Year of Yes because it forces her to Confront and Overcome Fears on a large scale. Her fear of public speaking is one that Rhimes was long aware of, but it is not until her decision to say yes more often that she is forced to confront the root of this fear and identify the reasons for it. As she prepares for the speech, Rhimes acknowledges that some of her fear stems from the potential embarrassment that would result if she were to do something such as trip and fall or say something silly. But these are surface worries that serve as excuses for the insecurities that lie underneath: Rhimes’s fear of being judged and criticized harshly by an audience. Importantly, she identifies that it is not the main audience—the Dartmouth graduates—whose opinion she fears but that of the larger public. 

In particular, the fact that the speech will exist online—permanently archived, searchable, and open to infinite scrutiny—adds a layer of uniquely modern pressure. The internet maximizes the potential for criticism, inviting commentary not just from those present but from strangers worldwide, often without context or compassion. Knowing that the speech will be made available online and potentially negatively critiqued is what causes Rhimes to fear the speech. This fear taps into a broader reality for many people who appear outwardly successful: a feeling that no matter how accomplished one becomes, vulnerability in the digital age leaves no room for error or imperfection. When she shifts her focus off the judgements that the world might make of her, however, she takes an effective first step in conquering her fear. Similarly, by being frank and direct about her fear of public speaking—Rhimes spends the speech’s introduction discussing this fear—Rhimes negates the power that this fear has over her. Ironically, by sharing her weaknesses and vulnerabilities with her audience, she earns the audience’s trust, and the speech is a success. This moment also demonstrates how transparency—rather than performance—becomes a tool for empowerment in Rhimes’s journey.

A large portion of this section directly addresses the theme of the Societal Expectations Placed Upon Women. Rhimes is upfront about her desire to be both a successful parent and to maintain a successful career. At times, she operates under the belief that she can do this with ease. The arrival of her first child, however, forces her to admit just how difficult parenting is, and accepting help requires humbling herself by acknowledging that she cannot physically be always present at both her job and at home. Rhimes identifies this shame as deeply gendered, reflecting broader cultural pressures placed on women to “do it all” without acknowledging their support systems. As she puts it, “Powerful women don’t say out loud that they have help at home [...] because they are ashamed. Or maybe a more precise way to say it is that these women have been shamed” (99). This direct naming of the issue becomes a critical turning point in Rhimes’s reframing of success and self-worth. Importantly, Rhimes also admits that she herself once judged mothers who hired help, illustrating how shame and blame are often intertwined—not only enforced by outside pressures but also absorbed and perpetuated within communities of women themselves.

As she wrestles with how to achieve the most satisfying work/life balance for her and her children, Rhimes arrives at the realization that it is impossible to devote her energy to both her children and her profession simultaneously. Rather than feeling guilty when prioritizing one over the other, Rhimes decides to say “yes” to a balance that works for her. One of The Challenge of Instituting Life Changes involves committing herself to the reasoning behind her “yes” so that she not only reminds herself that her change is justified but also so that the changes themselves become impactful and long lasting. As in other moments throughout the memoir, Rhimes finds that her happiness depends not only on saying “yes” in the moment but also on trusting herself afterward—refusing to second-guess or punish herself for making a choice that aligns with her values. Once she is rid of the guilt that comes from submitting to societal pressures, Rhimes finds much more joy in her life. Importantly, this freedom allows her to approach motherhood with presence rather than perfectionism, redefining what successful parenting looks like.

Rhimes anticipates the potential criticism she may receive from those who point to the privileged position she speaks from—her secure economic position allows her to hire help that aids in her caring for her children. Rhimes emphasizes that the approach to work/life balance that has been successful for her may not work for everyone. She stresses that even a small “yes”—such as 15 minutes of meaningful, focused time with one’s child—can prove beneficial. This emphasis on intentionality rather than quantity reflects the broader message of the memoir: Saying “yes” is not about doing more for the sake of it, but about investing fully in what matters most.