Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person

Rhimes discusses the importance of learning when it is best to say “yes” to saying “no.” She provides anecdotes from her adolescence when not saying “no” proved disastrous, then cites two important instances in which saying “no” proved both wise and freeing. The first occurred when she was casting the role of the character Cristina Yang on the show Grey’s Anatomy; everyone around Rhimes was eager to hire an actor whom Rhimes did not feel was right for the role. Rhimes finally said “no” to this actor and went on to hire Sandra Oh instead. Rhimes credits Oh for much of the show’s success.

The second instance occurs when an acquaintance asks Rhimes to give her a very large sum of money. Rhimes says no, and the acquaintance responds with anger while Rhimes is filled with peace. She realized that the worst thing she had feared might happen—that the acquaintance would respond with anger—did indeed happen. But the revelation of who this person truly was proved freeing for Rhimes. This enabled her to have further difficult conversations and resolve conflict peacefully rather than running away from conflict and becoming anxious.

As the year draws to a close, Rhimes becomes so comfortable with giving speeches that she is no longer scared or anxious. She faces another kind of challenge when she is given the “Ally for Equality” award by the Human Rights Campaign. This event—and the speech she must give—proves one of the most challenging of the year for Rhimes because she has just ended a close friendship. When she complains to her sister that she feels alone, her sister scoffs and instructs Rhimes to surround herself with “her people” at the event to combat this feeling.

The speech Rhimes gives to the Human Rights Campaign in March 2015 appears at the end of the chapter. In it, Rhimes discusses her passion for writing, which began at a young age, and the loneliness that pervaded much of her youth. By including people of all kinds in her television shows, she explains, she is normalizing diversity in television—reflecting the world as it truly is. She hopes that when viewers see others who are like them, they will realize that they are not alone. She stresses that showing the world as it is helps people to learn about and accept those who are different from them.

Rhimes and the sound editor of Grey’s Anatomy are in the editing room, arguing over the song to use in the scene that will close season 10. The scene is important to Rhimes because it is the final scene depicting Cristina Yang—a central character—as Sandra Oh will be leaving the show.

As Rhimes grapples with the type of music that will fit the scene best, she explains the importance of Yang: The character is someone whom Rhimes considers to be her best friend. It is as if by writing Cristina, Rhimes has brought her to life. She goes on to describe the way that Cristina embodies many of the traits and characteristics that Rhimes herself aspires to possess.

She goes on to discuss two key friendships that have changed during the Year of Yes. She assigns the two friends the pseudonyms of “Pam” and “Ken” and explains how, with the help of truly genuine friends, she uncovered that these individuals were not the friends she believed them to be. She realizes that she projected onto Pam and Ken the traits that she needed them to possess, just as though she were writing a character for one of her television shows. As Rhimes comes to see that Pam and Ken do not truly possess these traits, she ends her relationships with them. This is painful and difficult but necessary.

The chapter closes with details about Rhimes and the sound editor arriving at the perfect choice for the song at the end of season 10.

Rhimes discusses her love of weddings by recalling the many weddings of friends and family in which she has been involved. The weddings she has written into TV episodes also excite her—she describes the many aspects of weddings that she loves. This leads to a discussion of her lack of a desire to marry. Rhimes explains that this disinterest has been present her entire life.

As the Year of Yes is getting underway, however, Rhimes finds herself in a committed relationship with a man she loves and respects. She points to many of his admirable traits and stresses how greatly others around approve of the relationship. When Rhimes agrees to marry this man, she is surprised at how enthusiastic her family and friends are: Rhimes feels disappointed that they are more excited by the prospect of her marriage than they were at the birth of her children or the numerous successes she has achieved in her career.

As the relationship continues and the Year of Yes unfolds, Rhimes imagines life with a husband in her home. She is certain that this dynamic would not only stand in the way of her creative work, but marriage is still not something she wants. She ends the engagement and, ultimately, the relationship, but she is happy and free as a result. Rhimes ends the chapter by encouraging readers to pursue that which is true to themselves, not to feel an obligation to follow any sort of prescribed path to happiness.

In the final chapter, Rhimes is being photographed for the cover of Entertainment Weekly. She feels entirely different and more confident in this session than ever before. In the past week, she has also presented again at the annual Television Critics Association event (TCA) and been interviewed by Oprah Winfrey—this time, however, both events were much more enjoyable for Rhimes, and she experienced them without fear. She speaks with her sister, Delorse, whose words were the impetus for making such large-scale change in her life, thanking her for pushing Rhimes. Delorse takes no credit, emphasizing that it is Rhimes herself that did the hard work. As the chapter closes, Rhimes encourages readers to take the same kind of risks she has taken in her Year of Yes.